Never Give Up!

Stubbornness is not a character flaw, it is a gift.

As 'persistence' it is that tension within us that launches us into nothingness, unknown territory, when it seems likely we will fail in the attempt.

Why? Because stubbornness doesn't give in.

Stubbornness means not giving up, despite solid incentives to do so.

Stubbornness is what we cling to when all we have left is a vague sense of purpose or direction and a ton of fear.

Stubbornness leads to success and achievement.

So be stubborn! Persist.

Strands of Trust in Intimate Relationships

(c) Dawn Meredith

At the heart of every intimate relationship,

 be it between lovers, close friends, siblings or parent & child,

there are issues of trust;

strands that are easily broken

if stretched too far. 

Hiding in your own personal cave

from: obsidian portal.com

For some of us, hiding away in your own personal cave feels deliciously safe. It's a familiar environment over which you have control. You can block out your fears and the demands and expectations of others.

But after a while you begin to notice your cave is actually an impediment. For it also blocks out your friends and family, and  your hopes and dreams of a better life. Secretly, you wish for more, you just don't have the courage to venture out to find it. You get the feeling that your spirit can shrivel inside that cave.

Communicating with others, real, live people, in person, can be a healing thing for the mind beset with fears. Reach out to someone. Leave the house and your cave behind for a couple of hours.
Live.





If you're struggling to find a reason to come out of your cave, perhaps these websites will help.
https://www.mindbodylife.com.au/
http://www.reachout.com.au/
for teens (SANE)
for young children (Headroom)
http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/

Nine Irrational Beliefs that Make You Crazy

It's true. Irrational beliefs and thought patterns can make you crazy. What you believe can be the cause of your emotional pain.

The psychologist, Albert Ellis, (1913-2007) developed the notion that 'crooked thinking' makes a person unhappy. This arises from viewing life in absolutes, in 'shoulds' and 'musts' - exaggerated, overgeneralised beliefs which distort reality and plunge us into emotional turmoil with their poisonous effects. 

When you see your life in black and white, in absolutes, you put pressure upon yourself to cope with the impossible. 

Here's the list. See if you identify with any of them. We all are influenced by such beliefs at times, so don't feel like a freak if you find many of them ring true for you.

1. I MUST do well at all times.
2. I am a bad or worthless person when I act in a weak or stupid manner. I MUST be approved and accepted by people I find important.
3. I am a BAD, UNLOVABLE person if I get rejected.
4. People MUST treat me fairly and give me what I need.
5. People who act immorally are undeserving, rotten people. People MUST live up to my expectations or it is terrible.
6. My life MUST have few major hassles or troubles. I can't STAND really bad things or difficult people. It is awful or horrible when important things don't turn out the way I want them to.
7.   I CAN'T stand it when life is really unfair.
8. I NEED to be loved by someone who matters to a lot to me.
9. I NEED immediate gratification and always feel awful when I don't get it. 

You know, life is short. Expect less from others. Encourage yourself to live to your potential, but in general be gentle with yourself.

A  bit more info on Ellis' theory - In 1955 he presented Rational Therapy (RT). In RT, the therapist sought to help the client understand — and act on the understanding — that his personal philosophy contained beliefs that contributed to his own emotional pain. This new approach stressed actively working to change a client's self-defeating beliefs and behaviours by demonstrating their irrationality, self-defeatism and rigidity. Ellis believed that through rational analysis and cognitive reconstruction, people could understand their self-defeatingness in light of their core irrational beliefs and then develop more rational constructs.
 

The allure of 'Happiness' as a destination

view from The Remarkables, New Zealand (c) Dawn Meredith

There is only one way to happiness 
and that is to cease worrying about things 
which are beyond the power of our will.

 - Epictetus AD 55 – AD 135

 

Epictetus was a Greek sage and Stoic philosopher. He was born a slave at Hierapolis, (modern Turkey). He studied philosophy and lived in Rome until his banishment, when he went to Nicopolis in northwestern Greece for the rest of his life. His teachings were written down and published by his pupil Arrian in his Discourses. (source - wikipedia)

Being true to yourself

Being true to yourself doesn't always come easy.
First you have to acknowledge who you are.

Identity - are you simply what your past has made you?

The Tree of Self Insight by Paulo Sergio Zerbato

Type "Self" into an image search and a mix of self portraits in paint and photography will pop up on your screen - a selection of the sad but brutal truth of modern life - our struggle with identity in a world which runs too fast for us. You'll see young, scantily clad girls posing to their iphones in secret, then uploading to the universe. But you'll notice they all have that haunted look in their eyes - the desperate need to be accepted and loved. You'll also see disturbing photos of the anorexic and the cutters, displaying their horrifically marred bodies. It all seems to be about controlling the pain, needing to feel something real. Needing to find their identity.

So what is identity? According to Freud, our minds are a battlefield for the instinctive id, the organised and realistic ego and the critical superego within us.

Jung, an introverted contemporary of the outgoing, controversial Freud, believed we have combinations of four archetypes within us -

• the shadow (chaos and wildness of character)
• the anima & the animus (male and female, wholeness, completion)
• the self (our connection with the universe, nature, spirit)

But what if it's much simpler than that? What if who we are is predetermined by our past experiences, by genetics and family history? People sometimes feel trapped in what their past has made them. It could be their own past mistakes or that of their parents, clinging to them, staining the next generation. But I believe self, as identity, is partly where you come from, (what nature, nurture and experience has formed) and partly where you yourself steer the rest of your life. You are the most powerful influence upon your thinking. That's right. YOU. What you believe your mind accepts 100%.

You are not just the sum of your past, trapped there forever - you are your future. And that is in your own hands.